It's Time to Randomly Muse

Why does it seem as if people are walking around confused with which way is up?

Something I’ve learned during the coronavirus pandemic. There are people walking among us who have issues with spatial awareness. Stated differently, it seems some have forgotten high school geometry.

  • If you are in this category I shall provide a hint. SIX FEET IS SIX TIMES FURTHER AWAY THAN ONE FOOT. Please tell your friends.

Why does my iPhone continuously autocorrect to “duck” or “ducking?” I do not recall needing either of these words in a sentence over the past two years.

Way, way back in undergrad a professor asked me to define the word infinity. I finally have an answer. The number of opinions available during a global pandemic.

Speaking of opinions, suddenly my customers think I know what’s going on.

  • Customer: “Jerry, when is this all going to end?”

  • Customer: “Jerry, when are you going to open your lobby?”

  • Me: 😐

  • The Reader: “Why does Jerry feel the need to use a ducking emoji?”

Politicians are saying one thing, disease experts are stating something else. As there is a chance we might miss out on all sports this year, let’s use a football analogy.

  • You are a quarterback. Your team is down 3 points with 2 minutes left in the game. Somehow, your drunk friend is on the sidelines telling you what to do. Then the coach tells you something different.

  • The politician is your drunk friend. The coach represents a disease expert at the CDC. Are you taking the advice of the coach, or your drunk friend?

Note. Please don’t answer the above question. It is an example of a rhetorical question. If you currently possess an overwhelming urge to answer, I kindly suggest you step outside and acquaint yourself with the difference between up and down.

Back to math. If you are standing behind me at a grocery store, and I fall straight backward, brushing you with my head on the way down, you are too ducking close!

If Barney the cartoon dinosaur appeared on Fox News and told everyone to…, on second thought, scratch that. I already know the answer.

Are grocery stores out of liquid hand soap because people did not previously understand the convenience of such next to their sinks? Or is there another reason?

  • For the love of humanity, please do not try to answer this question. It is likely that you don’t. Want. To. Know. The. Answer.

I recently saw a sign in a Facebook post. It read, “apocalyptic movies begin with politicians ignoring scientists.”


#whatthefuckistheplan #buymorecoffeebeforetheapocalypsebecausecoffeeisawesome #pleasedonteverstopwashingyourhands #sometimesyourdrunkfriendisrightpurelybyaccident

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